Yeah I may look OK on the outside, but I don't feel like it on the inside.

I understand Lyme Disease is a very confusing disease. Trust me, I know that all too well. I understand that it's weird to see me looking fine... but hear me talking about how I don't feel good. It's complicated, very complicated.

The other day me and my sister got into a heated discussion about Lyme Disease. I had told myself that I just wouldn't discuss what I'm going through with her, because it just frustrated me. She's the type that has her mind set on what she thinks and no one can tell her otherwise. So even though she hasn't even bothered to read about Lyme Disease.. she feels like she knows everything about it. Ughh, frusrating to say the least. So the other day we were having lunch together. She started the conversation by asking if I would be able to have another child. I told her yes, but I would have to take antibiotics the whole pregnancy. She said she felt sorry for more because I would be doubly tired. Not only would I have the pregnancy fatigue, but lyme making me tired as well. I told her that I hope to be over this by then. She gave me a lecture about me living in a fairy tale and not being realistic. Basically she told me to just face the fact that I would have to live with this for the rest of my life. I REFUSE to believe this. It angered me because she knows NOTHING about lyme disease.. I mean absolutely nothing and she's lecturing me?!?!?!

Finally I told her to just drop it. I know it will do no good trying to "inform" her. She's not willing to listen. That's fine by me.

Basically this is how I feel. I have chest pain and heart palps from time to time. Pretty much any time I'm standing for longer than a few seconds, I feel lightheaded, like I migh pass out. It's really hard to do any normal activities like go to the grocery store, walk around the mall, or even take my son to the park. I'm constantly fearful that I may faint. Even though I haven't yet, the feeling is always there. It's just scary. I long for the day that I can walk around the mall without having to lean against Holden's stroller for support.

Now about what my sister said. There are some that have late stage (or chronic) lyme. I don't think this is me. I've only been having symptoms since last August. There are some that go years and years before getting a diagnosis. I consider myself lucky for finding out as soon as I did what was wrong with me. I believe that this gives me a chance to beat this. As long as I'm agressive.. I feel that I can completely eradicate this from my body. Yes it will take time and a lot of money, but I have to do it. It's my life. I will have another child. Not for a while (at least a year), but I will have another child one day. I will have to take antibiotics the whole pregnancy and the whole time I'm breast feeding, but that's okay.

My life will be normal again... I don't think that's unrealistic at all. If I can't hope for a full recovery, what can I hope for?

p.s. Reading success stories like these are what gives me hope.