I just want it to END!

I'm sorry this is going to be a pretty negative entry. I just NEED to get it out. I'm up at 5 in the morning. I am in too much pain to sleep. I'm just exhausted from this disease- both physically and emotionally.

I can't stop crying/. I have so many emotions. I'm mad. sad. frustrated. The list goes on....

Why does there have to be such a stigma about Lyme disease. Why can't everyone just agree that it is real. It isn't as easy as taking a 30 day antibiotic treatment and voila you are better. People are suffering. And it isn't right. Why does it have to be about money and politics. WHY????????????//

Matt brought up a good point as to why well-known people who have had Lyme disease don't speak out. They didn't really suffer. They had the power (money, celeb status) to get help fast. They weren't misdiagnosed. They weren't told that it wasn't possible for them to have Lyme disease. They were just treated.. and fast. So they never had a chance to go through what many of us do. Maybe if they had... they would advocate for us.

Another reason I'm so upset is because of insurance. They are fighting me about EVERYTHING. They refuse to pay for my latest blood work. And they don't want to reimburse me for what I paid OUT OF POCKET when I was tested for Lyme. They sent me a letter saying I exceeded the amount they will pay for Lyme tests. I assume they wanted me tested via a Western blot test through a regular lab which is only 10 PERCENT accurate. They won't give me ANY of the money back. Sucks because I was going to use that to get Holden tested. Not to mention I want Matt tested. I'm not going to give up though. My dr. told me that he would write a letter to my insurance company, if they gave me problems.

Okay I don't know what else to say. This vent made me feel better. It helps to get it out..... Tomorrow hopefully I'll be more positive. I just am wondering when and if I will ever get better. It's hard to stay hopeful when you feel so crappy.