Quick Update

I'm doing okay. I'm taking my antibiotics and tolerating them pretty well! I've noticed my achiness getting a little more painful. First thing in the morning it's the worst. I have b-12 injections that are supposed to make that better, but I'm such a chicken about doing that! I need to get Matt to give me an injection today. Last time he did it (which was over a month ago) it hurt soooooooo bad. I don't know if he hit a muscle or what, but it was painful. Prior to that it had never hurt, so that kind of freaked me out. We still haven't gotten Holden's test result. I'm hoping we'll know by early next week. I'm so anxious about that, but I try not to think about it. My birthday is Wednesday, so I'm hoping I know before then.... and hoping that it comes out NEGATIVE. That would make my day, week, year!!!

Down in the Dumps

I feel very depressed today. I started back up on my antibiotics today and I feel horrible. I guess that is a good thing, but right now I feel sad. I have no energy and I feel terribly nauseous. I'm so sick of feeling wiped out. I just want to feel normal. I feel soooooooo bad for Holden. I can't even hardly play with him. I am just so tired. I've been sleeping in so late in the morning. This morning I didn't get up until 10:30!! Yikes.

I'm sure this depression will pass soon. I just felt like writing about it because it seems to help when I put my feelings into words. I know things could be worse and that thought really keeps my head up. I read about a boy named Dustin who had lyme disease. It was so debilitating (sp?) that he had to stop going to school and be home schooled. He was 8 when that happened and he is now 11. I can't imagine how hard that would be. I try to think about him when I'm feeling down. His Mom posted on a message board I go to. She said that he never feels sorry for himself and that he doesn't get discouraged. He just keeps on going, keeping his head up. I admire that and strive to be more like him. Here is Dustin's website http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/dustineckert.

Back at Square One...

That's kind of how I feel. Since Friday I've been having unsettling, scary symptoms with my heart. Sunday and Monday night it was so bad I only got about 4 hours of sleep.

So I called my doctor yesterday and he said stop the antibiotics for a few days. I hate doing that, but I guess I have to. I've been off of them for about a day and can already notice a difference. I feel very lightheaded and am having some serious vertigo.

I had an appointment with my local doctor today. It went well. I told him what was going on with my other doctor and thankfully he agreed with pretty much everything he is doing. I'm glad to have them on the same page.

I'm going to start back up on the antibiotics on Friday. Plus I'm going to buy some natural herbs called Samento and Cumanda. They are supposed to be "natural antibiotics". Can't hurt, right?

My dr. told me to take benadryl and large doses of vitamin C and it should help make me feel better. It definitely has helped with the sleeping department. Last night I fell asleep quickly and slept all through the night!! It was nice.

Just some random things..

I can't sleep, so I thought I'd update this blog.

*I'm really noticing the neorological symptoms of Lyme. For instance, earlier this evening I couldn't think of the phrase 'chill out'. I was going through all of these other words: chill up, chill over, chill down... Then finally the word came to me. Weird!

*I feel a little down tonight. I can't sleep because of my heart. It's doing all kinds of scary things. My chest feels heavy, I'm experiencing a dull pain in my chest, and my heart keeps fluttering. Oh and my arms and legs are going numb. I just never know how much I can take.. On days like this, I'm always comtiplating going to the ER. I'm just scared I'm going to push it too much.... like my heart is going to give out. That is scary.

*It's not normal to have these thoughts during the day. When it's just me and Holden, I worry what will happen if I do lose consciousness.

*At the store this evening my fatigue was horrendous. I was having to fight to keep my eyes open. I've been experiencing fatigue like that a lot.. usually only when I'm out of the house. I guess because I'm walking around? I just feel like I'm going to fall asleep any minute.


I'm tired!!!!!! I wish I could know what to do. Sometimes I feel so lost.. like I don't know who to trust. I don't know what path to take. What if the meds I'm taking aren't the right ones? What if I am getting worse? Ughhh.. I feel so sick of ALL OF THIS!

I just yearn feel 100% better again. I want that SO BAD.